Love - a garland of sacrifice or a lubricant in daily life?

"Keep your hand here and say, Promise." a little boy said
. "Promise," said the girl as she placed her hand in his."We will be friends all our lives,no matter what happens," he said.
"We will be friends all our lives,no matter what happens," she repeated solemnly.They looked into each other's faces and after being convinced that the other really meant it, they continued their walk home, the contents of their school bags  rattling on their backs.They must have both been around 6-7 years old.
(I remembered Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher's promise and how Tom gave himself away by his own words and stifled a smile.)

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To some, friendship is an easy thing. Helpful and then forgotten.Others take it seriously. Like the ancient story of
Damon and Pythias.

Pythias was accused of plotting against the ruler and was sentenced to death. When he asked for permission to bid farewell to his family, the ruler imprisoned Damon in his place, as a security. The day of execution arrived and Pythias was still missing. So the ruler was thinking of executing Damon instead. Pythias arrived  just in time, panting and he begged Damon's forgiveness for all the tension he must have caused him,explaining how he got delayed.
"But I wasn't tensed at all,"Damon said.Anyway it has to be one of us and the other has to struggle all alone. So what difference does it make, who is executed and who is set free?"...
Watching this kind of argument, the ruler was so impressed by their friendship that he set them both free.

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   "I lay down my life that you might have abundant life,"Jesus said .That sacrifice gives the cross its crown.

Now and again we see people jumping in to receive bullets meant for others or jumping into flood waters to throw others out.

But  more than the feel of doing something drastically heroic, those living ordinary lives, showing love everyday-an encouraging word, showing somebody a new perspective, accepting people  as they are and letting them be themselves, tolerating a loved one's emotional outburst  and letting them calm down and face life with new strength - that gentle wisdom, patience and supportive, unconditional love is truly the greatest love of all..

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At this moment of thought, my conscience  pins down my soul. A well wisher of mine had almost ignored her own needs and comforts to accompany me to places I most certainly couldn't have visited on my own. Places I dreamed of visiting for years together but which  would have been inaccessible without the required amount of humility - her humility. Today she lies in hospital with cancer (2nd stage) and I  haven't so much as even visited her!( I mean after she started radiation therapy). Postponing a visit just to have rest made me miss showing her the gratefulness I owe her. She's got shifted to a far off hospital for treatment. I can now only pray that angels should give her the help  and comfort she needs -specially till I see her.  .

                                                                                          

A walk through the memories of my college days

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I reached out  to plug my ears when the record from the public Auto stand suddenly blared, 'ABC, ne vaasi' (an old Tamil song which means,You learn your ABC if you  want but just leave me alone) and I couldn't help smiling, Let the auto people  celebrate Ayutha Pooja (a festival of tools and machines) as they please, I thought. I'd forgive them.

My mind raced back to our college days.With 9 of us sharing a room in the hostel, different groups needed different study patterns. Meena of English Literature would often say," ABC ne vaasi" and escape to chat with others.No records for her to complete, no tests and sometimes no classes even. 9 of us with 9 different backgrounds, different natures.Yet I don't remember a single serious quarrel.We'd go to the college together, had almost all our adventures together. On holidays or in the evenings we'd go for walks in the settings just meant for walks - long winding roads where we could follow newly married couples and comment about them among ourselves (perhaps some of my friends got ideas about how to enjoy  their future from these
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When we had more time we'd venture further off and then remember our time limit at the last minute. And then with an 'about turn' and a view of the nearest short-cut we'd run, skirts in hands, over ridges of radish and beet-root fields, leaping wherever required, till we reached the campus, squeeze through the fence if necessary and then,



with a cat like expression, we'd talk calmly to others.When the clock struck 6, we'd sometimes wonder whether it was really the clock or our heart beat because it sure sounded so loud. We'd wink among ourselves at our narrow escape and once within closed doors, laugh at the various observations  like ,'I'm  sure nobody was here till now. Where did you people suddenly appear from,'etc.




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  Now and then we'd take our books and announce to others that as the exams were nearing we were going to this and that spot to study. 'Study? They'd ask in surprise. How can you study at such a beautiful place?' "Why, where there is a will,there is a way,"we'd say calmly. And we sure did. For half an hour or an hour maybe. And then we'd call each other to play. After all life was for enjoying and if we missed this chance who knows when we'd get another? Moreover  if we had some play now our brains would work faster later. And then only some of us would go for higher studies, the others would get married after this degree and be loaded with tons of responsibilities, then what a waste of time it would be if they didn't enjoy life now,etc. So we didn't waste the 

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idyllic  settings either. After all it was really crowded near our houses, you know.

Suddenly my daughter says that she's hungry and I come out of my reverie.


I wonder if the poor girl will  ever know the thrill of adventure as we did then. Nowadays children may boldly accept  their situation and say,'Yes, I became late, so what? I didn't do it on purpose.' They might phone for a bike or an auto to pick them up.
Maybe I'm really old fashioned after all. Because I think that even the fear of adults or of order added to our fun as we used all kinds of tricks to escape them.

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Having an idea of your partner to be-right or wrong?

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"The parents are to blame. They got her engaged while she was still studying -doing her P.G. This guy used to phone her and bully her so much that she got disturbed and committed  suicide." My colleague's cheeks  went red in anger as she recollected the agony of her friend and mourned her loss.

"Yes,yes, speaking to one's fiance before marriage doesn't work out at all." Many voices had joined in by now. " I would never speak to my hubby before marriage," another young lady contributed. "Though he's my relative,whenever he phoned me I would hand over the phone to my mother immediately after greeting him."

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It was lunch time. Perhaps hunger added to their passion. After the buzz of voices subsided, I added feebly,"But what would you say of my friend (she's severely handicapped by polio). She got a job through  the quota for the handicapped.As she was way past 30 by then, her mother was keen to see her married (her father had expired when she was a child). The broker suggested a bridegroom for her.Her mother being illiterate and relatives non-existent, the lady used to speak to her prospective bridegroom herself.As they planned for their future, he would often say, "You're a teacher, you'll speak like that. After all I'm only a driver." Being handicapped, she thought she couldn't expect much and so ought to make do with whatever she got. However she finally called it off. Today she's happily married  to a better person and has a son.





Being involved in the situation she saved herself from a threatening future.

Another man I know( who didn't have suitable relatives to do the required research) married a highly incompatible wife and after 6 miserable years, got separated, ending up as a pauper.Had he just spoken 3 sentences with her  before his marriage, he would  surely have found it out.(He found it out on the wedding stage but just after the ceremony).

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My colleagues could only look at me with a smile that meant, 'these English speaking teachers and their ways!' So what if I read or speak English? I am as Indian (Tamilian) as anybody else.I fully appreciate our sense of lifelong commitment where our people's mind is set that they're  marrying for better or worse and so they are prepared to solve any  problem in a way suitable to all. There is a mature understanding in families that marriage is a 'give and take' procedure and in most cases relatives involved in the matching process have an idea of the bride or groom's basic expectations.

That poor girl should have told her parents her problem.Surely suicide is not  the answer  and not at all necessary. And engagement is different from marriage anyway.

Beyond that of course  marriage is a gamble but then so also is life. Then why was I singled out? Did I go wrong anywhere? I wish I get someone to stand-up for me. Will you?

P.S- I get tickled to think that while trying to make sure young couples ( who do not have suitable relatives to guarantee  compatibility) should conduct some tests themselves, I was the oldest of the lot asking for a  bit of romance to boost the young couples' lives.

                                                                                                                                      

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Smuggling Praise, Pity and What-not through the Workplace

Smuggling Praise-

Many years ago, the Reader's Digest had an
 interesting article on a circus. Satya and Guru were two working elephants,who had to push the caravans from behind now and then. Suddenly Satya  seemed to be losing weight rapidly  while Guru was happily putting on weight.Even the vet couldn't find out what it was. Satya worked quietly while Guru pushed with all his might, perhaps to make up for Satya. At last Murli the mahout (elephant trainer) found out. Guru was only acting, making a big noise while Satya was working for both.

.If an elephant could use its brains to cheat, can man be far behind?



Once as I was distributing answer papers of the Quarterly Exams, I noticed that a clever girl had got an easy answer wrong." Why didn't you tell me,Lata?" I asked her."I would have taught you."

"But you didn't come to our exam hall, Miss,"the girl by her side replied. "You went to another hall the other side."

Nowadays its becoming important in child politics to find out earlier which teacher is alloted  which hall for which exam. And you should see the celebration! They even ignore calls of, "bring your books  and come, I'll show you an easy way to score marks."

Smuggling Pity-


One day as I was sitting in a standing bus, a young girl handed us leaflets of, 'we're from another state,we don't get jobs here because we don't know the local language.' As she came near me and stretched out her palm, I rose from my seat and said in her native language,
 "How long will you keep giving us this excuse? Come, my shop is nearby. I'll give you a job." She sped to the door handle using it like a pole- the way school girls do while  playing Kho-Kho  and with an amused giggle at me, jumped down. I never saw her after that. Beggary and creative beggary.
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  Others-                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
Then there are those impressive people who sport the latest fashion  and move about in cars of the latest designs  but with  no  livelihood.They know how to hover around people like wild dogs, leaches or vultures and get gifts -  big or small.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          




But perhaps the most sophisticated are those who slip through  modern times adding to their scores, while   numerical slow-wits like me can't even remember how many zeroes in the digits are called by what name.
I only know that those are enoooooooooormous amounts.
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Have I left out any situation that you, Readers would like to fill? Please do

Mirror,Mirror - my Companion (poem)

Mirror, mirror in my washroom
my first  companion
in the morning
to greet me,
to look into my eyes-
and tell me
all that I need to know
and  be reassured
about myself.

Mirror, mirror in my room
Whom I look at
Every  morning
While dressing
Preparing to face the world
To send them a message
Loud and clear
What I feel
About myself
And the world
.


Mirror,mirror my companion
With whom I grew
all these years
Do you love me
So much that
You didn't want me hurt?
Only the photos
Revealed the truth
Of my age
And the bulges.

Yet, mirror, mirror
My companion :
In place of
The original tale
Of mother vs daughter where
 The mother burned in anger
 I shall,on seeing
Photos of my clone
 Beside me
Glow with pride

N.B- In the famous fairy tale,Snow White and the seven dwarfs, the step-mother was so jealous of Snow White that she ordered her killed. Only the kindness of others, particularly that of 7 dwarfs (little men) helps her.


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To stand out like the lotus

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Right from my school days I remember the usual rivalry dialogue, 'my school, the lotus - your  school, dabba school.'

'

The lotus stands out in a pond - tall and brave and imposing, challenging its very background - dangerous slush and dirty, stagnant water.
It's refreshing to see people like that in real life: standing out for their values in the face of opposition and contradictory tradition.
An example
I know of a village where their tradition regarding women differs from what we normally find in more developed areas.Why talk of villages- if we were to rewind our own dialogues, we'd find some gender bias that sounds the natural thing  to do. Maybe that's what ultimately works out in society; maybe we're made that way ( or brought up that way).Perhaps the male hormones have some place for ego and the female ones have some kind for service.
Whether its scientific or not, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Well, back to our village, I was surprised to find a man give his wife a week's rest. He let her go to her mom's place just like that.The only son in the midst of many daughters - a place conducive to developing fully male chauvinistic ideas.Maybe I should salute him for his act.
Earlier
Only a few months earlier his wife had come home for her delivery.Hardly was the child a few months old when he called her to join him.He had got used to her cooking which was far preferable to his mother's and hence the hurry.


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But now perhaps caring for and watching the little one grow gave him a more protective and mature attitude.Whatever the stimulus may  have been, not all respond so positively.A growth is a growth and is to be appreciated.
Explanation for his present behaviour 
 When he wanted to take some major decisions in the family contrary to his mother's wishes, she wrongly thought them to be suggested by his wife. When there was no other way of convincing his mother of his wife's uninvolvement in the matter, he felt that she would be convinced more easily if the wife were away and so  gave his wife a much needed holiday( from the nagging ma-in -law) .
 Even ordinarily it would have been great but you know what? This holiday included their wedding anniversary and which man would forgo his special briyani? 
This hero did. And instead, celebrated  his wife's return in style, free from the hassles of  a possessive  mother-in-law (possessive about her son) .

NB-dabba- ordinary, hollow

       briyani-a special dish made by cooking rice and meat together

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A tribute to my special teachers - care to join me ?

Yuvaraj shows the symptoms - looks blankly at me, closes his eyelids and then his eyeballs  turn away. "No,no,Yuva, don't think like that," I said.

"I too used to fear grammar just like you - but see now I am teaching you English." I called him to stand beside me.I gave him my book and made him read out some sentences, either acting them out myself or making other students act them out substituting Yuvaraj's name for textual ones.
Years ago my teacher did the same thing to me : identified my fear,gave me special attention and treated me like I was a genius.I would  fail to pay         Miss Mary Rose a tribute if I didn't  follow her example.

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(Teachers day and its celebrations may have come and gone but what some of my teachers did for me still works in my life.I'd like to pay some special ones a tribute.
You may join me by paying a tribute to any of your special teachers.)

Then there was Mr Moorthy for Physics.His explanations were practical and jovial. "If 4 of you wanted to travel on a bike on a narrow road,"he would explain.
The police would be the resistance.You would be the current.Which would be easier to escape - a narrow road or a broader road ? So it is with a thin wire and a thick wire.

My chem master, Mr Zavier was humility personified. He was a great giver of gifts and scholarships though he dressed very humbly himself.Whether in the lab or in the classroom,he forever had beakers and flasks in hand, doing what seemed to me 'magical'.Adding two colourless solutions to get a coloured one or making   a coloured one become colourless just like that.Apart from this he'd  give us low cost soap fresh from  the lab.

My Bio M'am, Mrs. Mari Gopinathan made  us see the human body working  out its different systems right through her diagrams and models.

I think what made these teachers stand out is that they didn't place themselves or any student on a pedestal  while making the others look on. Like an elephant lifting a stranded person by the trunk, these teachers lifted the lower level students to a higher level by whatever  lively method they could.  
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