Having an idea of your partner to be-right or wrong?

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"The parents are to blame. They got her engaged while she was still studying -doing her P.G. This guy used to phone her and bully her so much that she got disturbed and committed  suicide." My colleague's cheeks  went red in anger as she recollected the agony of her friend and mourned her loss.

"Yes,yes, speaking to one's fiance before marriage doesn't work out at all." Many voices had joined in by now. " I would never speak to my hubby before marriage," another young lady contributed. "Though he's my relative,whenever he phoned me I would hand over the phone to my mother immediately after greeting him."

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It was lunch time. Perhaps hunger added to their passion. After the buzz of voices subsided, I added feebly,"But what would you say of my friend (she's severely handicapped by polio). She got a job through  the quota for the handicapped.As she was way past 30 by then, her mother was keen to see her married (her father had expired when she was a child). The broker suggested a bridegroom for her.Her mother being illiterate and relatives non-existent, the lady used to speak to her prospective bridegroom herself.As they planned for their future, he would often say, "You're a teacher, you'll speak like that. After all I'm only a driver." Being handicapped, she thought she couldn't expect much and so ought to make do with whatever she got. However she finally called it off. Today she's happily married  to a better person and has a son.





Being involved in the situation she saved herself from a threatening future.

Another man I know( who didn't have suitable relatives to do the required research) married a highly incompatible wife and after 6 miserable years, got separated, ending up as a pauper.Had he just spoken 3 sentences with her  before his marriage, he would  surely have found it out.(He found it out on the wedding stage but just after the ceremony).

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My colleagues could only look at me with a smile that meant, 'these English speaking teachers and their ways!' So what if I read or speak English? I am as Indian (Tamilian) as anybody else.I fully appreciate our sense of lifelong commitment where our people's mind is set that they're  marrying for better or worse and so they are prepared to solve any  problem in a way suitable to all. There is a mature understanding in families that marriage is a 'give and take' procedure and in most cases relatives involved in the matching process have an idea of the bride or groom's basic expectations.

That poor girl should have told her parents her problem.Surely suicide is not  the answer  and not at all necessary. And engagement is different from marriage anyway.

Beyond that of course  marriage is a gamble but then so also is life. Then why was I singled out? Did I go wrong anywhere? I wish I get someone to stand-up for me. Will you?

P.S- I get tickled to think that while trying to make sure young couples ( who do not have suitable relatives to guarantee  compatibility) should conduct some tests themselves, I was the oldest of the lot asking for a  bit of romance to boost the young couples' lives.

                                                                                                                                      

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