A treadmill to heaven

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Questions, questions,
questions
so many of them
pop up in my heart,
my soul.
Like the rings of sliced onion
that fall off
from the core
Unanswered,'un-understandable,'
Perhaps almost unacceptable:
Of  unbalanced suffering
Suffering long and continuing
To the next generations

Some suspect a curse
If so, I wish those involved
Right their wrongs
Or search for remedies,
For wisdom
To tilt the see-saw
Of favour
To their side.

Till then
 I will perhaps
Find myself
On a treadmill
That keeps me
From proceeding,
Or progressing
With  the confidence
That once was
And should have been mine.

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Understanding children instincts through our pets...

"Hi Terry, How's life?" I ask my pet dog. He looks at me without  raising his head. And without even wagging his tail. Nice snub, I think and walk away.

"You can't blame him. You didn't bother about him when he was alone  (in another yard owned by us) all those years and he had nobody to comfort him while he guarded the shed in the yard," my daughter was quick to speak up for him. That was the truth,I had to admit to myself. He used to yell painfully when any of us passed that way. But we went there only for some specific job and always had to hurry for one reason or the other. Moreover with workers moving about in a hurry it just wasn't the place for relaxing with a dog. 

For my daughter it was different. She did bother to stop and spend some time with him even though he usually ended their meeting with loud cries as if to say, 'No, don't go away. Stay with me! Talk with me. Play with me!!

Then the shed changed hands and Terry was brought to live with us. Now I get the chance to serve him his dinner everyday. He can't escape me now, I think. Dinner and bones for him  is in my hands.

 "Here Terry, Come and eat."I call out to him. He smells his food and walks away. Showing no other reaction.    

Meanwhile he follows my daughter like a slave , sits by her feet in a 'At your service, Master' posture and looks at her with eyes of pure admiration.

Along comes 'bath time' and I am  commissioned to do the job. I am afraid to touch him. I begin by telling him what a gem he is and I knew it all along and how happy I'm to have a good boy. Every breath of fear brings out a shrill 'good boy' from me like the Kabbadi players. He had seen me wash his kennel too. So I wait in expectation of a sign of forgiveness from him. I see a  smile, a wave of his tail.  A neighbour passing by asks me if he just had a bath and only then I realize that it must have been a noisy bath.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

 Then comes my nephew out of the blue and after getting introduced to Terry  arranges for his  freedom : takes him for walks, runs and games. Terry then scarcely notices my daughter and rushes past her to his new hero, licks his lips looking at him and sits at his feet, awaiting his command. All this from a breed known for its faithfulness? I wonder.

As a  parent and teacher I got thinking,'Do we see a similar behavior pattern in children too? Children giving preference to trust and freedom first of all, then kind words and last of all to their basic needs being met.Specially

to children /animals who didn't have to struggle with their basic needs being met.


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English songs that filled me with great expectations

What a pleasure it was to be introduced to the voice of Jim Reeves ! Even if he just talked it sounded like music. His song 'I love you because you understand me' somehow gave me the confidence that the one I take my vows with would  surely 'make my heart feel lighter every step we walked side by side'. I would have loved to meet him sometime but poor Jim is said to have died the year I was born.

Another favourite song played often by Radio Ceylon  was, 'Chiquitita'(by Abba), a girl comforted by her friend that she was one she could rely on and that she should 'smile once more like she did before and sing a new song'. The background music makes it sound like its rolling and then jumping down the steps, one by one until it joins a wave and rolls back.

Of course 'Do. Re. Me.. was something we almost grew up on  and then 'My favourite things' was everyone's Birthday Party favourite. By the time 'Country Roads, take me Home' was in vogue in my area, we joined hostels and had started counting  the days when we could go home.

One Sunday morning our roomates were in the mood and dressed my beautiful friend and me in Saris just before we could start out. As it was our first experience with Saris, we stepped out gingerly. On our way back we had to get down a steep hill.Carefully we took each step. Suddenly a whirlwind passed  just below us and a  human figure moved from bush to bush  saying, "You drape yourselves in curtains and think that you are top in style but the world is laughing at you".

Fear turned to curiosity. It was the voice of JIM REEVES. I wanted to go back and have a look at his face. But my friend grabbed me and pulled me back. "Are you mad?" she asked. He'll lift you up and throw you down the hill. And in this place can't say if we'll be able to get the body, even".
Looked like he was in long hair, long beard and rags. "But beggars and mad people don't speak in English, even in Ooty," I said. "Did you notice his voice, his accents?"
"He was brilliant and a great orator," she explained(she was from this place). But suddenly he lost his mind".
"Why didn't his parents take and treat him?"I asked, wondering how whoever educated him this well so far could suddenly leave him.

Just as we were finishing College, a young girl, 'Angel' (and who sang like an angel too) died suddenly in an accident. The last song she sang on stage was  that'In the street, by and by we will meet on that beautiful shore'. Was it a co-incidence? Just like Gentleman Jim who flew away after he last sang, 'I'll fly away'.Perhaps God too likes these angels to  sing to him....

3 Mysterious Melodies

I had a liking for these three songs before realising that they had something in common.

Naane  Varuvane.........

   .......

Oh........Ne Illame  Naana

                                       


Nadhi  Poghum


       
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'Naane Varuvane - ingum angum' meaning, 'I will surely come - whether here or there',sang the car radio, welcoming us as we climbed the Nilgiri hills with the intent of settling down there.It was in the the tune of the Hindi song 'Naina bharasae, Rim jim rim jim'.
 But I was too young then to guess that one was the remake of the other. Apart from being melodious, the three part setting in the movie heightens the mystery - the mystery  of a lady's voice following (or awaiting) him at  different places.There's something of a longing there. A timely gap in between enhances the song.

In the early '80s the song"Oh............Ne illame naana?" Oh..............Me without you?" had  me hooked  alright (although I had not seen the movie and did not know the story). I mentioned my interest in this song  casually to my roomies and that was it.They'd call me from wherever I was whenever the song was broadcast.


Very recently I found myself running to peep at the screen whenever the familiar tune of a violin was being played. A child's clear cut voice catches one's attention. A child made to beg to support some blind elders.Makes you want to get up and free the child. And of course the blind ...Only then I realised that this was the third ghost song that was haunting me. From the film, 'Pisasu'.
(Though the child has nothing to do with any ghost).

When I had later got to see the 'Me without you ' song's video from the movie 'Aairam Nillavae Vaa' it was replete with the baying of dogs, doors opening on their own, some birds hooting - and not to forget that gap in between. The ghost singing this song on missing his living lover.

Please don't get me wrong. Thousands and thousands of wonderful songs- the feet tapping and body swaying ones have come and gone after these songs. I'm only talking about mystery added to romance : something like Pearl Buck or Daphne Du Maurier's type which give you an uneasy thrill( I may have left out many such type too because I'm not a regular follower of songs either). Just thought of sharing some of my likes.

P.S - Since these three songs are in my language, I wonder if I have explained myself clearly enough. The first movie finally ends solving the mystery. While one girl was really interested in this man, some other group who had conspired to drive him out set her twin sister in mysterious places so that he gets the impression of seeing the same girl at two places at the same time.(The second girl doesn't talk to him. Just passes by singing a song, dressed in white).

I liked all these songs before knowing that they were from 'ghost' movies.