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Conducting a function
It seemed so real. The crowd was cheering wildly.But wilder still was a voice within me,"It's your imagination.Don't you know who you are?"
Here and there somebody was whistling. Kerchiefs were being waved madly.The crowd rose as I entered - in one big wave like moment. I climbed up the steps to the dais and like Armstrong's famous steps went to the podium. Putting on a brave front I let my voice resonate.
This was real. I was the voice of these people. I had won the College elections fair and square - broken all records by a landslide victory. I had fulfilled the expectations of my College mates and perhaps gone even beyond them with a year's success story behind me. Then what? Why should I listen to these useless voices which belied my senses. Those cruel words - 'Nobody will ever want to talk to you once they know the real you.'
Certainly I had not put on any act. This was my time to fight it out and I would....
The elections -
I remembered the elections. It lifted me beyond my expectations. I, who could never open my mouth before others and usually nodded whenever anybody asked me questions... I was pushed to victory.
We were in the Zoology lab, busily trying to complete the practicals for the semester when somebody came and announced that only Literature students were standing for the two main posts-one for the Chairperson and another for the Secretary and if we were careless they might end up being elected unanimously. One girl grabbed a form and entered my name. I saw stars. How could I ever explain that day and night I lived with butterflies in my stomach? That each and every day I had to fight the fear of rejection...
When I could't even live like a normal human being, where would I land as a leader? What did these people expect from me? I only had English as an extra qualification but what good was it here? I was dumb as anything. Couldn't they already see it?
"But I don't know anything about anything,"I protested.
"That doesn't matter at all," my supporter said. "We'll tell you everything we want. You just translate it into English while talking to those girls. They'll laugh at our broken English if we try to tell them anything. But they can't laugh at you. You are thinking only about yourself. Look at it this way. You can make or mar the rights of 4 groups of students- Maths, History,Zoology and Botany. If those two Literature girls are elected leaders, they'll discuss matters among themselves and we'll be completely left out."What she said was true. These other girls didn't have the courage even to talk to the English Literature girls. (and those Lit girls weren't overly bothered about anybody else). At least I smiled at everybody and said Hi and Bye to one or two of them.
That's how I ended up opening my mouth before each class (after being pushed in by my classmates) saying, "I'm standing for the post of Secretary. If elected I'll do my best." Finally it wasn't just the 4 groups, the Lit girls themselves had voted for me.
Making it work-
While the chairperson suggested different ideas, I as the Secretary saw to it that everyone benefited from it. Together we made a great team. Planned and worked out many activities. We had made a mark in the history of our College.
Have I then flushed out fear and hesitancy from my sub-conscious mind? Even today I sometimes think that I should have acted differently (after a situation is over). But my College made me aware - that I as a human being with equal rights , feelings and capacities as any other should not be cut out from normal life just because some people got a sadist kick from what they said to me.
I also wish to tell others not to be a doormat to others with a sadist mentality.
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